Nervous

I’m supposed to be nervous about tomorrow. At least, that’s what I gather from the number of people who have asked me if I am.

My port is finally feeling pretty decent, so I guess I am ready for my first chemo treatment. It’s an early appointment–8:30 am in Duluth. I’m told it will be a full day, consisting of several appointments and several hours of sitting. I think we will bring the cribbage board. Nothing passes the time like beating my husband at cribbage.

I think the only thing I’m actually nervous about is the first 10-15 minutes of my first infusion. Nurses will be watching me “like a hawk” to make sure I don’t have any adverse reactions. I have a few medical allergies, so this is a concern for me. I am declaring here and now that God is bigger than this fear, and has me in His hand. I will take this as it comes.

It is quite probable that I will have some side effects later in the week. Considering my weak stomach, I anticipate dealing with nausea. Since I handled puking my guts out through 6 pregnancies, I figure I’ll survive this, too. And with this, I should get days off. No such luxury in pregnancy.

Today, I’m not nervous. My bravado may dissipate in the morning as I enter the clinic, but at least I’m not borrowing trouble at the moment. Little victories. And if fear grips me tomorrow, I will have my husband, who is my rock, and the Lord God, who is my Rock. It’ll be okay.

Restored

Yesterday was rough, but God came through in some pretty cool ways. I had a long and wonderful visit with my aunt, who also brought supper. An encouraging card came in the mail from Stacey’s mom (see Meet Stacey), whom I have never met. My family rallied and was helpful. I was down, and the Lord met my needs.

Psalm 40:1-2 I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.

“I waited patiently” is a stretch. The Lord came my way on that part. But He did hear my cry. He definitely drew me up out of destructive and murky thoughts, and set me on the Rock. Today, my steps are secure.

The sun is shining, my family is healthy and intact, and I have time in my chair to rest. Pain from port placement is far less today, so I hope to get up and be active, at least for a little bit. I’m expecting a really good day.