Nervous

I’m supposed to be nervous about tomorrow. At least, that’s what I gather from the number of people who have asked me if I am.

My port is finally feeling pretty decent, so I guess I am ready for my first chemo treatment. It’s an early appointment–8:30 am in Duluth. I’m told it will be a full day, consisting of several appointments and several hours of sitting. I think we will bring the cribbage board. Nothing passes the time like beating my husband at cribbage.

I think the only thing I’m actually nervous about is the first 10-15 minutes of my first infusion. Nurses will be watching me “like a hawk” to make sure I don’t have any adverse reactions. I have a few medical allergies, so this is a concern for me. I am declaring here and now that God is bigger than this fear, and has me in His hand. I will take this as it comes.

It is quite probable that I will have some side effects later in the week. Considering my weak stomach, I anticipate dealing with nausea. Since I handled puking my guts out through 6 pregnancies, I figure I’ll survive this, too. And with this, I should get days off. No such luxury in pregnancy.

Today, I’m not nervous. My bravado may dissipate in the morning as I enter the clinic, but at least I’m not borrowing trouble at the moment. Little victories. And if fear grips me tomorrow, I will have my husband, who is my rock, and the Lord God, who is my Rock. It’ll be okay.