Food

Eating has taken a surprise turn. I was warned that with chemo things might taste bad or taste metallic. I’m so grateful I’m not dealing with either of those. However, I was not prepared for food to just not taste.

I can taste things that are very salty or very, very sweet. I can taste bitter things, so it’s a blessing that I enjoy really dark chocolate. Everything else is dull to the point that I feel food more than I taste it. That’s a weird experience.

Waffles are a favorite food of mine, and yesterday my daughter made some that were very light and fluffy and everyone said how good they were. I looked forward to having one, but when I ate it, it had no flavor. When you take a food of that texture and remove all taste, wow. It’s like eating a sponge.

Crunchy Cheetos are another favorite. Eating them is precisely how I would imagine eating hard styrofoam would be, with less squeaking.

The dull taste buds are pretty new. Flavor has been diminishing over the last couple weeks, but really hit the skids with my last treatment. It’s the most bizarre thing to anticipate something tasty and then get it in my mouth and be almost overwhelmed by its texture, simply because there is no other sense to experience. Things still smell good, which honestly only increases the letdown when I actually eat them.

There aren’t a lot of things that I can do right now, activity-wise. I think eating has become a way to pass the time, which is directly related to some of the weight gain I’ve experienced since October. Add to that all of the Christmas treats and yummy stocking stuffers and, well. . . it’s a miracle I was down five pounds last week.

So, as frustrating as this side effect is, I’m counting it a blessing. The less food tastes, the less it appeals, and the less I want to eat. I’m praying for better eating habits to develop as I sit here. I still need to fuel my body–it is working hard even as I am unable to voluntarily work–but suddenly food is just about fuel rather than boredom and enjoying flavors.

I have been crying out to God about my struggle and frustration with weight. I am grateful that He has chosen to answer in this way. With all of the other challenges of this journey, learning and exercising self-control with food are not pressures I need to add. God has been gracious and kind, and removed for me a place of struggle.

Yes, I know the struggle will return when food is new again, but for the moment, I am removed from a battle and relieved not to fight. He has provided a place of rest, at least for this season.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven, Ecclesiastes 3:1