I’m getting a lot of attention these days. I don’t like being the center of attention. I do appreciate all the caring and loving people surrounding me, for sure. I love that God is raising people up to encourage and support me.
Today, my son turns 15. I have one son and 7 daughters. As I think about his life and pray for him this morning, I’m very aware that this whole cancer deal isn’t just about me. It’s part of his story, too.
He’s turning 15 and learning and growing in life and just found out his mama’s got cancer. You know the bond between boys and mamas. . . and as far as he understands, his mama could die and leave him alone.
After he learned the news, he came into my room and asked if I wanted a hug. YES! I will always want a hug from this guy. He leaned down (He’s 6’5”) and held on tight while I sobbed. That was a moment that will likely never leave either of our memories.
The same is true of my daughters–my strong, lovely, amazing daughters. This is part of their story, as well. They are the ones who will fill my shoes for the next 6 months or so. We are all going in strong, but the day will come when we are all weary and tired and maybe angry.
And my husband. I can’t imagine getting the news that a spouse has cancer. I pray I never know the feeling, but I know Larry feels it deeply. It’s a major part of his story. I told him yesterday “I’m sorry, dear, but if I have cancer, you have cancer. That’s how it works. . . if you do it right.” And so we walk this part of the story together. And he’s been amazing. God blessed me beyond measure to give me this man.
When we go through something tough in life, we tend to think and wonder about what the purpose is. What’s God doing? Why is this happening? Some of us look inward for the lessons we think we are supposed to be learning and think our struggles are only about us. How often we miss the other pieces of the puzzle. Since our lives are all intertwined on one level or another, what is tough for me may be tough for someone else in my life, and maybe this difficult thing is actually me being a tool in the Maker’s hand so that someone else can learn and grow.
Regardless what will come of this situation I’m in, I know that it’s not about me. Not entirely, anyway. It’s about His higher purpose. And I am willing.