Tomorrow will mark chemo treatment 10 of 12. It will also mark three months since my mastectomy. In between there, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and most of winter happened.
While some days seem never ending, time overall has flown. I am almost five months from diagnosis, and nearly 7 months from the breast exam that set all of this into motion.
There are 10 months left of infusions, but these will be every three weeks and not have side effects. I am told the biggest issue will be the inconvenience. Five to ten years of hormone therapy will start soon, as well.
Initially, we thought that treatment would be brief and we could return to normal life. A hiccup, so to speak. We see now that such is not the case–not at all. Life will be forever different because of this one thing.
It seems to me a clear parallel with so many other things in life. How many times have I made a mistake in a moment only to realize that I have altered my life, maybe forever? I’ve sometimes been short sighted, seeing only immediate results of my actions or words, and discovering later that they were farther reaching than I could have imagined.
Likewise, I’ve underestimated the effects of a kindness or a generosity, no matter how small. Sometimes, a moment to write a note of encouragement can make all the difference in the world to someone who is struggling. Sometimes, a meal carried or a text message sent is the cup of cool water a person needs to make it through the day. There have been many such blessings in my life over the course of this journey. So many times, I have been blessed by a note, call or visit. The journey has been more bearable because people took a moment of their time to think of me.
Above all, the choice to follow Jesus has changed my life. It was a simple decision, acknowledging that He is worthy of my trust and obedience, that has made my life what it is today. I look around this world and see the hurting, lonely people and I want more than anything for them to find the peace I’ve found. I want them to meet their own cancer diagnosis not with despair, but with hope that it is not the end. Even if death is the short term result, Everlasting Life with the Savior is the eternal reality.
Life moments, regardless the situation, matter. Moments turn into hours. Hours become days, and so on until we reach our final day. I am running a race, and though cancer has become one leg of this race, it is only one small part. I have been running since the day my tiny feet reached the open air, and will run until I draw my last breath. I want to run well. I want my life to count for something–not because I want to be remembered, but because God has put me here to make a difference in the lives of others. I want to be faithful to travel the road to which I have been called, no matter the twists and turns.
This race is not one of speed, nor is it in competition with others. It is a race of endurance. It is a race I am guaranteed to win, simply because I have put my trust in the One who runs ahead of me. Because He has been there before me, I can go with confidence, following the course laid out for me. Though the road is not always easy, it is worthwhile.
And so, I will look ahead and not behind. I will learn from where I’ve been, but not dwell there. I will fix my eyes on the prize and run the race set before me, for His glory. And He will strengthen me.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. Hebrews 12:1-2a ESV