His grace is enough. . .

I had a panic attack yesterday. There were many things on my mind, but when I sifted to the bottom of what was truly bothering me, I discovered it was anxiety about my three month cancer check. Most of the time, I don’t think about cancer. I don’t read about it. I don’t attend support groups, online or otherwise. I notice my scars, I am aware of the lingering after effects of chemo, but by and large, cancer just doesn’t enter my mind most days. And then my appointment rolls around and I realize I still have quite a bit of fear lurking in the recesses of my mind.

I used to say “If I ever get cancer. . . ” followed by some plan of natural treatment necessitating trips overseas and the rejection of western medicine. I never really thought I would get cancer. It was never a serious concern or fear of mine, so it was easy to have all the answers. Now, I say “If I get cancer again. . .” followed by no plan whatsoever. I know the likelihood of recurrence is high for me. I know I cannot let my guard down. I must remain diligent and aware of changes in my body, and I must not miss appointments. My oncologist is a wonderful woman who loves the Lord. She sees my fears and acknowledges them. She prays for me. I am so grateful for her. She is being hyper vigilant and watches me closely, knowing that the next time cancer rears its head, we have to catch it early.

In between my doctor visits, though, I have life to live, and I don’t want to live in fear, conscious or unconscious. I want to be sure that my heart is trusting in Him and that I am not just choosing to stuff my feelings. Overall, I think I’m in a pretty good place, by the grace of God. And I suppose it is reasonable to allow myself a bit of room to feel, given the situation.

If I get cancer again, Lord willing I’ll just keep walking, holding my head up and taking whatever comes. He is enough.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Cor. 12:9

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perfectjourney19

I'm a homeschool mom and the proud wife of a hard working farmer. We live in the sticks and drive 20 miles to a town of any size. I live to serve the One who saved my soul, and He daily loads me with blessings. I started this blog to share my journey through breast cancer. So far, I have only done a few warm up stretches, and I pray I will remain faithful and be an encouragement to others traveling this road with me. I know this journey will be rough, but I also know it will be perfect, because my God does all things well. I am not afraid.

2 thoughts on “His grace is enough. . .”

  1. Thank you, Brenda, once again for being transparent. As a spouse of someone diagnosed with cancer, we also go on with our daily lives as well as we can. Our tranquil mind only comes when we submit each day’s steps of our life to the ruling of God. It’s a day by day choice to disentangle our thoughts from the problems and afflictions we have been given, and accept them reverently and humbly in order to make sweetness from the bitter cup we drink from.
    Your notes on this blog are an encouragement as you share your journey, and the grace of God which is your sufficiency!
    Christian Love, and hugs! ❤

    Like

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