Drifting

The business and hubbub of Christmas is over. New Year’s has come and gone and life is settling into one big bout of cabin fever.

I have been given all of this time to focus and dwell and lean into the Lord, and yet, I find myself drifting. It seems that boredom grows and swallows everything, to the point that I simply have no drive left.

Exhaustion adds to that, and the idea of being mentally challenged is taxing. Consequently, the last week or so has held very little meaningful motion in any direction. This is not okay with me. I hate the idea of people simply existing–eating and breathing and not doing anything remotely productive or worthwhile. And here I am, doing precisely that.

Okay, I’m being a little hard on myself. I am still maintaining relationships and parenting. I am getting a few things done. But I’m also squandering set-aside time that I could be seeking and growing.

Spring is coming fast and with it will arrive the end of treatment, the return of my energy, and the busyness of life. I will have to be intentional about finding time to spend in the Word then. I will have to make time and be sure my quiet time is a priority. I won’t have the luxury I have now to just sit and ponder and pray.

Since mental energy is expensive right now, plowing through book after book is simply not realistic. But I can meditate and study a verse or two. I can see old things with new eyes and ponder them. I can enjoy worship music and let it soak in as I rest.

My goal today is to make good use of what I’ve been given. I will take the opportunity and gift that everyone seems to be looking for–time. It is a precious commodity and I have it in spades.