Going Through the Motions

Today is a pretty big day, at least in my mind. I am being sedated so they can place my port for chemotherapy. I don’t like procedures like this. They make me nervous. For the medical staff, this is absolutely routine. For me, not so much.

I went to bed a little earlier than usual and was planning on a good night’s rest. I slept all night, but when I woke up I saw that my CPAP had only worked for the first 45 minutes of the night. I couldn’t believe I had worn that dumb thing all night for nothing.

Consequently, I am very tired this morning and not mentally or physically rested for this day. I thought the CPAP would help me, but I ended up just going through the motions. It was more of a hassle than anything.

As is usual, God used this little thing to knock on my head and get my attention.

I rely every day on the saving grace of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I know a big day is coming when He will collect all those who are His own and take them to Heaven for eternity. I am His. I will go.

In the meantime, though, is my faith vibrant and bringing life to myself and those around me, or is it more trouble than it’s worth? Am I seeking Him daily and being energized and equipped, or do I check the boxes and bide my time until He comes again?

When people look at me, do they see a good person who is faithful to her church and a good friend? Or do they look at me and see Him? I dearly hope it’s the latter. As Grandma Dot used to say “Any good you see in me is Jesus.”