Today, I know where I stand. I feel tired, but otherwise well. I am home with my family, where I am cozy and comfortable and known. My body looks familiar in the mirror. Though it carries more weight than I like and has some unsightly places, it has always been here, and it is mine.

Tomorrow, everything changes. There are blanks I can’t fill in. I don’t know how well I’ll come through surgery, though I have every confidence that I will come through. The pain is inevitable. I don’t know how it will feel exactly, but It will be difficult to handle.

It will take me awhile to be brave enough to look in the mirror; I will not like what I see. Even the excellent work of skilled surgeons will be difficult to look at–cut, bruised, and wounded–unfamiliar.

I will experience floods of emotion. Grief will be the overwhelming one. Add to those core feelings fatigue, exhaustion, and pain. This family’s about to scale a mountain.

So today, we will make an effort to be normal, even though normal is clouded and tainted by tomorrow. We will worship with our church body, then pack for the hospital and make sure all is in order. I’ll go early to bed, and pray for sleep. I will be as ready as I can be.

I take captive these thoughts of fear and grief and loss. I know that all will be well and very well. I can see the sun on the horizon and I know that the Son travels with me.

Today is grim. Tomorrow is unknown. The future is very, very bright. Lord willing, this trial will yield for me a long and happy life, cancer free. These difficult days will become a blur, and I will have to read this to remember how I felt this morning. Time is fleeting, and Mercy is sure.

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I'm a homeschool mom and the proud wife of a hard working farmer. We live in the sticks and drive 20 miles to a town of any size. I live to serve the One who saved my soul, and He daily loads me with blessings. I started this blog to share my journey through breast cancer. So far, I have only done a few warm up stretches, and I pray I will remain faithful and be an encouragement to others traveling this road with me. I know this journey will be rough, but I also know it will be perfect, because my God does all things well. I am not afraid.

2 thoughts on “Today”

  1. Oh my beautiful friend. Although not there physically, I will be there every step of the way. This road is hard, but I know the Lord has given you the strength to endure the race. Although we walk the same journey at the same time, I know I cant fully prepare you for what to expect as I know we will have our own unique experiences. One thing I can promise is you are not alone and I will be marching this battle with you.


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